She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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