It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
