Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
