...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
