She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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