Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
