everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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