Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
