i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
