I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
