so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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