She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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