i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i out mim tonsoeep
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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