shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
