hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
