the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize