Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
