Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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