Already got asked if we're dating
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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