im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
