how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
how drunk are you?
Several
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
