Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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