I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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