Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
