im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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