Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
