i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
two words...techno handjob
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
