You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
