one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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