I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize