This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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