She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
