How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
