Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
