Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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