Only a mothe r could love this liver
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
