I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
