Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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