i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
