His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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