In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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