I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
