i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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