good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
