Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
