To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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