On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
