Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
