the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
