my shit smells like andre
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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