Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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