even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
