I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
