i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please come you make the beer taste better
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
