Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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