Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was like eating out sand paper
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
