You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
