Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
