All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
