I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left an ass print on the piano.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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