I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
