...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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