you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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