Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
