We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
