I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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