My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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