First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
