I think I died a long time ago.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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