Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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