There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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