went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
