It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
