how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
