I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
