Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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