What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
