So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize