If i come over, it means nothing
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
