i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
