Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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