Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
