Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
