So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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