The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
high people should be assigned attendants
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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