You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
