So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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