I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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