He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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