I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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