I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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