Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
